A few days ago, I suffered a grievous loss. The loss of a friend, a philosopher and a spiritual guide. Srinivas “Tango” Tangirala passed away all of a sudden. A matter that transpired in minutes and will take a lifetime to recover from. Many of you reading this knew him dearly. To those who don’t, I am sorry to dump this on you. Forgive me. Writing is the only way I can think of at this moment to deal with my grief.

I remember an afternoon in Hyderabad perhaps twenty years ago. I had a few hours before my flight back. Tango and I had lunch and walked to a chai shop where we sat and talked. The images are vivid even if the words aren’t. All I remember is at one point he leaned in and said, “Cash, the map is not the territory.” What he meant was representations are not realities. Opinions are not truths. Our mental models should move us forward, not hold us back. That was Tango, the philosopher. Tango, my friend who saw that I needed those words at that time in my life even if I didn’t. Tango, my spiritual guide.

When I joined IIT Madras, there were five of us who formed a gang on day one. Tango was one. This has been a karmic connection in many ways. He was my teacher, one of the few who came into my life for this specific purpose. His karma in this life has been fulfilled. And it became time for him to leave. I will miss listening to him talk about life and death and everything in between.

When a friend dies, it reminds me of my own mortality. It creates a visceral fear. I can witness my emotions rising from this fear. I can witness my ego prompting me: You too will die someday. I can see the selfishness in my emotions. Today, I am reminding myself that this is not about me. It has never been about me. I am reminding myself that I should not allow emotions to rise from fear. Instead, they should come from love. And if you love someone you should be prepared to set them free. Grief is the price of admission for love. Tango would have told me this casually over a cup of chai.

I will miss you, Tango. I will do my best to listen to what you have told me. Safe travels, my friend.

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Miss me but let me go
Christina Rosetti

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little, but not for long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that once we shared
Miss me but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the master plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart
Go to the friends we know.
Laugh at all the things we used to do
Miss me but let me go.

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